M never says no.
He always tries to make me the happiest I can be.
No matter if that means bending his own plans, or whatever he had in mind.
And it would be very easy to take advantage of that quality, that unwavering sense of devotion and aiming to please.
And I’m starting to see a pattern that isn’t “me” (at least, not the “me” I am now, but it was the ‘me’ of before).
I am starting to catch myself almost take advantage of his kindness and wanting to make me happy 24/7, no matter what. And I never want to do that, because it should be give and take and for every time he compromises a bit for me, I should too. Isn’t that what love is all about? Happy mediums? Give and take? Open communication?
So why am I still rallying against this freakin routine thing and wanting to do things my way all the time?
Why can’t I just BE and live a little, let it flow more?
Case in point…when discussing what to do tonight as we were planning to spend the night (him at my place as he likes to come to 6 am Ride with me on Wednesdays) and we’re expecting 18 inches of snow overnight into Wednesday…my hope was that we’d get snowed in, and even though I’d have to work, he could hang out and do his homework at my place. And we could crockpot and snuggle all night. Sounds all good, right?
And then a text pops up: “let me ask you a question: what if we got snowed in at my place instead?”
And my first inclination (in part true of course) was hesitant. To say no in part because if I have to work, it would be more convenient to do so here, and also because I forward my calls to my home office, and it would then be obvious I wasn’t home, if I was only returning calls from my cell. As it’s my first week working from home, I didn’t want to do anything sketchy.
But honestly? My boss would understand if I got snowed in at his place. If he had to work on Wednesday (which was really why he was asking), his drive to work would be 10 mins vs. 45 from my house. In that much snow, no question easier for him.
So, of course, once I realize why he was asking in the first place, I feel like a jerk. So I tell him that of course, I will stay at his place instead, and if I need to drive home in the AM (since the snow won’t get bad until after 7 am), if he has to work, I will. His response? “No, I wouldn’t want you to do that, I’d be scared to death of you driving in that!”
Seriously. he cares so much (as do I) and is always thinking ahead. And all I can think of is ‘no?’
Wow, this routine thing has a bigger grip on me than I thought.
…and I’m the luckiest girl in the world. M. Is. Amazing.
(I wrote this post last night. And then had a nightmare that he broke up with me. I woke up gasping for air. I told him my dream this morning and he told me he loves me so much and it’ll never happen. Seriously? This man is perfect, I am convinced…)