Overwhelmed.

Yesterday was a weird day for me.

For starters, M had a hangover. Uncharacteristically so. He knows his limits and never gets to that point. But New Year’s Eve was a blast, we had a great time with our friends ringing in 2011, and well, there was grappa. If you don’t know what grappa is, Google it, but it smells like lighter fluid and is uber strong. M likes grappa. Woops πŸ˜‰

So, we spent the day relaxing all day long, watching Heroes on DVD and I tried everything I could to help him feel better. Tons of water, crackers, etc, but he’s a bad patient. Very stubborn πŸ˜‰ But beyond that, it was a well-spent day, much-needed.

However.

My mind started to work.

In overtime.

Thinking about my pending trip and my new job. It started to feel all-consuming. I started thinking about packing and making sure I brought enough outfits, shoes, workout gear, iPod, etc. I started to think about making sure I didn’t miss my connection, worrying about getting acclimated when I arrive, and going in on my first day with my game face on. And I started to think about missing home (I’m a homebody, self-professed) and missing M, my cats, my sisters.

And it felt overwhelming. I tried to keep it in and keep a happy face on, because I wanted to be happy, enjoying New Year’s Day (and some yummy leftovers at my sister’s house with a friend as well, and watching Sideways…finally!). But as we drove back to M’s for the night, I thought more and more and got sadder and sadder. And couldn’t figure out if it was the trip, the job, the routine switcharoo, or what.

Obviously, it was a combination of everything.

And I broke down, lying next to M in bed. And cried. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I don’t like to cry in front of others anyway, and hadn’t yet cried in front of him (a good thing, I spose, right?). But I did. And I told him what I was feeling, and that I was scared and stressed and just wanted to it all and do it all well.

He held me and comforted me and told me how proud he is of me,Β  and that he knows I can do it, and I will do it all well. But that I need to give myself a break (I know, I do.) and just go in strong.

I will.

It will take time. And it will be stressful. But there will be bright spots, lots of them, in between stress and anticipation.

At the end of the day, I am looking forward to the challenge and new beginnings. I just need to let go a little bit, release myself of the anticipation, and know I got this. I have come so far already and won’t crumple in the face of a challenge that I know I can meet.

I just need to remind myself sometimes.

 

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44 thoughts on “Overwhelmed.

  1. I love hearing M’s comforting words to you, it’s exactly what I would’ve told you too – that you are strong, and that you CAN do this and that you do need to give yourself a break, letting your “new normal” settle in and being confident in your abilities to do just that. Because you most certainly DO have this and I’m so freakin’ proud of you for getting way out of your comfort zone, even more so than me. Hell I’m just starting a new job with a longer commute, your “commute” is across the damn country! Go in strong sis!!

    1. thanks sis, it is going to be a big challenge for both of us. Yours will be just in that it’s a completely new industry…at least I have that similarity right now. One thing I recognize, right? We’ll go through this together πŸ™‚

  2. Awh how sweet of him. If I were in your shoes I would be doing the same freak out thing. It is a lot at once. You just have to take it one day at a time. You know what you are doing and are strong in it. You’ll be fine and no matter what you have a great team of support!

    1. thanks friend, I need any words of encouragement I can get! I know the freak out is normal and one of many I’ll have, but it’s comforting to hear supportive words all the more.

  3. Dude….you totally need to cut yourself some slack. Feeling overwhelmed, under the circumstances is a perfectly natural, normal, HUMAN response to what you’re going through right now. And leaning on your partner, and allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable so he can comfort and reassure you, is what relationships are all about.

    **hugs**

    Go easy on yourself! Turns out you’re just human!! πŸ˜‰

    1. I know, you are RIGHT, AGAIN. I do. It is totally human, but I try to just hold it in sometimes, which makes it WORSE! So I need to just let it come out and then I can get over it and move on. XO.

  4. Sorry to hear you got all sad, I was a bit like that before I started my new job and got quite emotional. I think probably it’s the thought of all new things that I found quite overwhelming, once I got into the job, it was all fine and my new working hours, being away from home for two nights a week took a bit of getting used to but I like it all now. I’m sure it will all work out for you and you’ll enjoy the new job and the changes it brings.

    Funny you mention M and grappa, I’m laughing now, I had a very dodgy experience with grappa when I was in holidays in Greece and couldn’t move from the bed for over a day, I felt so ill!! Hope M is feeling a better now. Grappa is rocket fuel!!!

    1. Thank you Susan! I am sure, like you, it will get better, and I’ll love every minute of it. The anticipation is killing me, but once I leap, it’ll feel better and easier.

  5. sometimes you just gotta cry. the right man will handle it expertly; sounds like that’s exactly what happened. and it’ll all work out in the end. i’ve got faith. πŸ™‚

  6. I understand. I am getting the same way. I keep facing disappointments and I get tired of dusting myself off.

    I’ll tough it out if you will.

    Big hugs.

  7. Sometimes you just have to cry. It happens. I’m sure it didn’t shatter M’s impression of you to find out you’re human. πŸ™‚

    It’ll be fine. You’ll get everything done and have a great, exciting adventure at your new job. And even if there are rough spots, you have your family, kitties, wine, and M to come back to. Those aren’t bad consolation prizes, ya know?

    Just stay away from the grappa the night before!

  8. New jobs are stressful and adding travel to that takes the pressure up about 10 notches. The good news is – its all manageable. I travel a lot for work and while at first I shared your fears now I can do it with my eyes closed. In fact….I get anxiety when I DON’T travel now.

    It helps to make a list of the outfits you need when you travel. That way its easier to pack. Try and center all outfits around one type of shoes since they take up a lot of space in your suitcase especially if you plan to workout – sneakers take up a lot of space. I have lots of lists; a clothing list, toiletries, things to keep me busy and don’t be afraid to take pics with you of M, the cats, sisters etc. Little pieces of home makes it easier too.

    1. Ahh, thank you. I needed to hear that from someone that travels a lot! I know, 3 months from now, it will feel second nature, but tonight, it feels ominous. I have packed and centered outfits around two pairs of shoes, good call on that! I have pics of kitties and M as well, on my phone, will help too πŸ™‚

  9. You have a lot going on right now. I’m kind of surprised the stress didn’t get to you sooner. Maintaining a newish relationship while starting a new job combines two things that require a big commitment. I’m glad you had someone there for you. I know that you are going to be awesome at your new job. Good luck tomorrow (right??)!

  10. Aww, I’m sorry that you were feeling overwhelmed. I’m glad that you let the tears out, and let M in to help you…sometimes you just have to get it out! I know that you’ll be great, just take it one step at a time.

    Hugs.

    1. thank you friend! Sometimes the tears help, and they did. One step at a time is hard, and I know I will be fine once I do it, it’s just scary, which leads to overwhelmedness. XO!

  11. Take some care of you! I can get wrapped up in my thoughts if I’m not careful. It’s what happened on NYE for me when I had my little meltdown about work, life, etc. (read find my passion resolution)…but I was overtired and I think I was starting to get sick. I think you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, and being a little nervous is a good thing too! πŸ™‚

    1. thank you so much, another really good point. I need to take care of me too, and need to just let it out sometimes, or else I may combust. Thank you!

  12. It’s in the bag, baby!! You’re a rockstar, just gotta tell it to yourself sometimes.

    I can’t blame you though for being nervous and overwhelmed. I think actually it might have been good to go a day in advance, but that’s hindsight of course. You’ll be golden, I know it! Just gotta follow my three job rules (technically these are my interview rules), 1. Firm hand shake. 2. Eye contact but don’t be creepy. 3. Be personable, people like real. You’ve already got the job though, so remember that!!

    It’s in the bag baby, in the bag!

    Fly safe!

    1. LOL this one made me smile so big! I love ya dahling, seriously, that was the best. I love your job rules and promise to abide by them tomorrow! It’s in the bag! I LOVE IT!

  13. {{{hugs}}} It is normal to feel overwhelmed with a change like this one. I think that it is precious that you cried in front of M and that he was able to be such a source of comfort. Just echoing what everyone else said, you’ve already got the job, so wear THAT confidence, and it will make you feel on top and you will look that way too.

    I hope we get a chance to meet! (It’s raining now, and it is supposed to tomorrow too, but after that it’s going to be in the 60s all week!) Have a safe trip!

    1. You’re right, it is normal, and I am SO glad I have M in my life to lean on when I need him too. He’s been so great. A lot to ask for, really, at the beginning of a relationship, to kind of being long distance on and off. But he’s a trooper! I hope we do too! I am thinking Thursday might work, will know my schedule more tomorrow! I will email you! Can’t wait for 60s! πŸ™‚

  14. Ok, first of all, for hangovers? Nux Vomica 30C – a homeopathic remedy. Take it as often as needed (even every 5 minutes) still you feel better, then stop. Its my go-to remedy for hangovers.

    Second of all, you needed to let out some steam. Good for you. Now, you got this. Promise!

    Good luck tomorrow!

    1. Thanks for the hangover tip! Way cool. Hopefully not needed in the future πŸ˜‰ I feel better today than I did yesterday, and all of your comments are awesome.

  15. we all get overwhelmed at times! but sometimes i just need a good long cry and i automatically feel better even though i didnt accomplish anything–i think it’s just the release of emotions.

    eeee, you’re gonna do soooo great!!!

  16. Ah, you had every right to cry. Sometimes, we just need to let it loose. It’s no use being so tightly wound. It is scary to start something new, ESPECIALLY after how long you had been at your old job. This is a whole shit ton of change. Okay, just because its all good change, doesn’t mean it isn’t overwhelming. Especially since you have already blogged about how much comfort you find in your routine and being in control of it all. So, a new relationship (albeit a good one), a new job (albeit an improved one), and lots of travel all at the start of a brand new year is definitely grounds for a meltdown moment. You are so resilient, and have been for so long, so maybe you just got tired πŸ™‚ It happens to the best of us. I have every belief that you will excel at this job, and I can’t wait to hear about it!

    1. thank you for putting it into perspective for me, Marisa, you are so right! And damn, you’re good. Can you just sit on my shoulder and be my pep talker all week? That would be fabulous!

  17. I hate to cry in front of people too. HS Marine is one of the only people who has actually seen me cry… And that only took 13 years! Haha!

    M is right. You can do this. You will totally rock this. You are my inspiration to get out of my stale job!

    1. thank you! Hope to inspire, that is great. And I hate crying in front of people too, but he made me feel so much better! Thanks for the good luck!

  18. For some reason your posts aren’t showing up in my reader… Anyway, I think it’s ok to feel overwhelmed right now. You have SO much changing in your life. The important thing is that you relax and go with it right? It’s all good things happening. Hugs!

  19. What a great release that must have been. I HATE crying in front of others, too, but whenever I do, I almost immediately feel better. What a comfort M was, to just be there for you – just goes to show he’s definitely in your life for a reason. πŸ™‚

    I get incredibly anxious/overwhelmed whenever I start something new, too, but just remember – you’ve been through changes before, and come out strong. Stronger, even! And that’s exactly how you will feel after this transition….I just know it.

    Annnnnd I’m off to Google grappa now.

    1. Haha, didja Google it?! Ridiculously strong and I refuse to try it, especially now πŸ˜‰ Thank you for the kind words, as always, I SO needed it and appreciate it!!

  20. You were in the same job for 8 1/2 years. Even though you’re excited about the next stage, you wouldn’t be human if the new gig and different work environment (from an office to home with travel) weren’t overwhelming. I’m glad that you let yourself feel the change and that you let M in. I’m not surprised that he responded in such a supportive manner. xoxo

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