…do I want to see M all the time, yet still like my “me time?”
…do I embrace when M makes plans with friends, yet when they conflict with plans I want to make with him, have a hard time rolling with it and making alternate plans (knowing he would do the same?)
(bad past habit I’d like NOT to reappear)
…do I say I am honest and open and when something frustrates me for the first time with M, I bite my tongue?
(realizing that it’s not a big deal, all things considered, but does that mean I shouldn’t mention it? The new me says yes, mention it anyway, for communication purposes…then why is it so hard?)
…does it *not* scare me at the thought of living with M?
(should it? It doesn’t, it already feels natural, even though it can’t happen until next fall, realistically, anyway, lease-wise).
…do I get surprised when I keep learning little quirks, habits, and random facts about M?
(we have only known each other for 4 months, there is still plenty to learn, and that’s half the fun!)
…does it feel like even though it’s a new relationship does it feel like we’ve been together for longer (contradicting aforementioned ‘why…’)?
(because it’s natural).
…do I love sleeping next to him at night, but love nights when I sleep alone almost equally as much?
(what can I say? I like to spread out sometimes…don’t we all?)
…why do I wish he was here with me, right now, every minute of the day?
(because I love him)
We’re still growing, we’re still learning, but the bottom line is, I need to maintain the things I need in this relationship…honesty is a huge one, and I need to remember that sometimes. Compromise is good, but even still, sometimes it’s worth saying when something bothers you. It’s not a big deal, but I plan to mention it.
Mention what, you ask?
Tomorrow is my last day at my job. I wanted to go out and celebrate. We are doing so tonight, but tomorrow is *the* day, and I thought perhaps he’d be available to share it with me and a few friends. Last night, he called and asked if we had ‘definitive’ plans (we did not, just had mentioned it) as a coworker’s last day is tomorrow, too, and they are going out for drinks.
Though it bothered me that he was going to do that, instead of come with me, I wondered if it *should* bother me. We have our own lives, too, and that’s okay (in fact, I love it, I want him to have his life too as I clearly have mine). And, we are celebrating tonight and on New Year’s Eve. But as it bothered me, I think the best route is still honest, open communication, right?
I go back and forth with it, because I know if I say it bothered me, he’ll cancel and come with me (even though he already offered to come meet up with us after he has a drink with them…see? compromise), which isn’t my end goal. My end goal is honesty.