I have this “thing” about routine.
I hate veering from it.
A routine I’ve ingrained in myself for the past two years, built from scratch as I picked up the pieces and figured out what I wanted my daily life to look like. It goes something like this: wake up at the ass crack of dawn, work out, go to work, and once in awhile do a second work out at my gym (sometimes. I just like to do a little extra here and there. It’s one of my “things” you’ll soon learn about me. My love of working out. Something about a daily sweatfest that makes me feel balanced).
So when I met M (on match.com, for those of you “new” to my story) in September, things progressed relatively quickly in that we began seeing each other exclusively after just a few dates and the rest, as they say, is history. (I’ll do a recap on him and our last few months together soon.)
Kinda out the window.
Which is to be expected, but as we progress down the path of wanting to see each other often (most weekends, 1-2 times per week), I struggle with the balance between seeing him and keeping to my routine.
But why do I *have* to keep to my routine? Why not include him in it?
I do, mostly, but sometimes, when it comes down to seeing him, or fitting in a missed workout, for example, I struggle. I want to see him, and can likely do both, but then a) either he sees me looking crappy post workout (even if I shower, my hair will be less than fabulous and let’s be honest, I want to look good for my man and for me, too!) or b) I redo myself after my workout, which isn’t always a possibility before he arrives.
Why do I even agonize over this? It should be a no-brainer! I can do both, or I can skip a workout to see him, right? (my sister even pointed it out “so, what’s the question? you want to see your boyfriend right? So see him!” Um, duh, yes, of course!).
I know I can. Either option is just that – an option. But part of my problem is that I just can’t get away from routine. And that’s just one example.
I actually opted not to have breakfast with M after I stayed over and we went running together, because I was stressed about getting home and cleaning and doing my Saturday “routine!”
Seriously? Who does that?
He, being the most reasonable man on the planet, as far as I’m concerned, understood (though attempted to get me to stay, and how did I resist? I mean, really…that routine has me hooked, clearly). When I sheepishly texted him when I got home telling him I felt silly and wish I stayed, he said he understood, but that sometimes it’s okay to de-routine.
It’s one of the things I’m working hard on, because when my opportunities to see him become limited when I start my new job (with a lot of travel at the outset), I will be kicking myself for not taking the opportunities when I have them.
Why does routine sometimes have such a death grip on me? Why not release it? Why not allow him to join me in it? Because everything with him – and I mean, everything – is way more fun with him than alone (well that sounds awfully dirty but perhaps it’s meant to. You be the judge).
…and when we tested out Skype the other night since we’ll use it when I’m traveling, I just looked at his face and wanted to jump through the screen and hug and kiss him. His smile, his eyes, his gaze. Just him. *swoon*
PS – check out my new blog layout, thanks to the oh-so-awesome IntrigueMe – thank you friend, it looks fabulous!)